Saturday night I stood for all but one of the prayer points. I really needed ministering to, and appreciated how powerful and also kind each prayer time was. I have been struggling in my relationship with God for a long time, especially in ministry, because my basic understanding of him is as a mean and demanding God who doesn’t care about my happiness. I logically know its not right, but still I fight. Abi asked us to picture ourselves as a little child and I think asked us to ask God how he sees us. Now in the past, I had asked God to “give me a new name” and he answered, “from victim to VICTOR!” It was a great prophetic word for me that I’ve been trying to embrace in my struggle, but in this season its hard to embrace victory when all you want to do is sit down and sleep or cry. What God “named” me that night made me smile. He called me “Delighted In.” This is the name for this season, where I try so hard and seem to always disappoint, and where obedience seems like a slavemaster. This was what I needed – rest, and delight apart from my work and what I think I can “do for God”. I needed to know my value as his child.
Abi and Justin were phenomenal. I got healed of my seasonal depression and lack of hope and felt the holy spirit completely take over my body (I felt like everything in my body was completely weightless, in sync and zero pain or aching I’ve never felt anything like it). It was amazing and the teachings were so good.
One thing that has been broken off since the conference is that I am worth a celebration! I am worthy to receive every gift that Papa has for me…not because of anything I’ve done, but because of WHOSE child I am. Yesterday during a prayer time God gifted me a 1950’s vintage sky blue Chevy. Not because I had to do something to earn it. Not because I have to use it for anything specific purpose other than to receive the gift and enjoy it. Papa said “wait until you see what this baby can do”. Ha ha! It’s not about what I can do…it’s what Holy Spirit can do…even if it means driving around the atmosphere in my Chevy and dropping joy bombs with my friend Rose Snyder Roehrborn. What this has done is taken the distorted lenses I’ve had on and tossed them, and now I see through the lenses of grace and mercy. I am so loved. I am so cherished by my Papa. And I am WORTHY no longer worth-less. Hallelujah!!! God says I’m His party girl…He loves to party with me…and FUN is going to explode from this girl!
I want to thank you for an outstanding weekend! I went to the event because a friend said she like to listen to AbI. So I left my family and went! I have to say it was an amazing life-changing event for me. Even more than the testimonies shared, the prayers of deliverance and forgiveness were amazing. I’ve struggled for years with setting standards way too high for myself and failing repeatedly. When Justin shared about taking over the judgment seat I couldn’t believe it, so many times came rushing in remembrance and I was able to repent and be free. That was only one time out of multiple throughout the weekend where I was afforded the chance to repent and change, be challenged and Encouraged to allow Jesus to love me for me. Thank you again for making this weekend possible!
Abi’s story about not being enough and how God met her right where she was really touched me and how he met her when she just gave her best. Love you guys. Thanks for bringing them in.